Human Compatibility Model

Human Compatability

Human Compatibility Model

This article may help you to evaluate how compatible you are with the most important people in your life. Even without completing any exercises, these are topics that you should consider. I often prefer to apply less-biased thinking before conducting any research, so it is beyond likely that somebody is far ahead of me on these concepts.

I do not believe that any human traits are fixed in an individual. In fact, it is impossible for anyone to be the same person from one day to another, or even from one minute to another, as that would make any experiences and hence learning irrelevant, and therefore life itself meaningless. I believe that each of us is somewhere on the continuum of each personality trait, but we can work to move in either direction. There are countless human traits, some of which we classify as disorders, although those traits must actually be advantageous in certain circumstances. This is how evolution works: it favors the lineage that is most adaptable to the most likely situations, but also leads to optimization for certain extremes.

The people with whom it is most important to be compatible include the following, in this approximate order, potentially with some overlap.

While differences and conflict resolution have value, the more different we are, the more conflict we will face, and not all of us are ready or willing to face such significant conflicts, especially with those closest to us. On the positive side, an introvert can learn that other people have valid but conflicting perspectives based on their individual experiences and that being more social helps them grow. An extrovert can learn to be less dependent on feedback from others. On the negative side, if one individual wants children and the other does not, the difference may be irreconcilable, as one partner pushing the other into such a significant life choice against their will could be disastrous for everyone involved. While it is fair and even inevitable for both partners to change, significant changes on certain spectrums could indicate partners growing apart, which must be resolved somehow, potentially through ending the relationship. It is critical to at least have some understanding of these differences before either individual commits to such a relationship.

In determining which relationships and individuals are most important to you, and how compatible you are with the people currently filling those roles in your life, there are far too many human traits to list. Be sure to include those that are most significant to you as well as any specifically critical to the specific relationship. For example, life partners should have similar preferences for parenting, city-vs-country living, physical activity level, intellect, interests, and so forth. Here are some examples.

As a potential exercise, approximately rank each individual on a spectrum from -10 to +10 for each trait. Just seeing how each assess themselves and the other could have value. Visualizations often help.

Create a chart to visualizes the divergence. Draw a horizontal line, where points below that line represent negative values for traits and points above are positive for those traits. Order the traits from least to greatest divergence unless. Alternatively, look for groupings. If one or both individuals shows a specific positive or negative pattern for a number of related traits, it may be useful to visualize those traits together rather than scattered across the graph, which will also make the lines for each individual cross the Y axis often. Alternatively, especially if each individual could be generally on a different side of the Y axis, recverse positive and negative for certain traits to make the lines less jagged, as neither end of the spectrum is actually positive or negative. Use different colors to plot the traits for each individual.

I think that optimally, there should be some divergence on all traits, or the relationship may be practical and effective but somewhat boring and devoid of certain potential. Hopefully, the traits with greatest divergence are those that are least important to both individuals. If those high divergence traits are the most important, then the individuals may be incompatible. High degrees of divergence may lead to conflict and even the potential for abuse.

From one perspective, staying near the zero point (or the average across humanity) on any trait may be optimal for most cases, although there will always be extreme conditions. A person may not want to have children but may be a good parent if they have them; another person may be completely dissatisfied with life if they have no children, while someone else may find parenthood to be the worst decision of their life. Meeting the zero point or average may be the optimal position for relating to the general population, but there are many reasons that we are all different.

Another consideration might be banding - not trying to reach the zero point, but ensuring that the two individuals fall approximately within the same gross bands on the graph.

The result should relatively clearly indicate the traits with greatest and least compatibility. Carefully consider the importance of each such trait, the potential result of the divergence, who would like to move which way on that spectrum, and tactics for resolving potential conflicts there.

It may be worthwhile to perform this exercise periodically and identify trends, especially if they indicate increasing divergence on key traits.

There is no optimum point on any spectrum. The issue is compatibility. Current social forces are using and exacerbating these divergences tearing America apart to profit a few individuals.